dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize