keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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