I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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