I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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