he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize