porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fuck appropriateness.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
