I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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