Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
