Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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