What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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