i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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