I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
