I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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