My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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