my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
