There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
