After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
