When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
