I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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