either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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