woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
