idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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