I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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