I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
