dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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