I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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