And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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