I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
