I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
