Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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