My friends, they love my intelligence
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
