just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
