I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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