she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
