so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think i have herpe
just one?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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