she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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