what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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