I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i've created a new STD.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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