she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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