Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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