I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Michael Bay diarrhea
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
