well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
