I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
