Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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