Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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