Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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