He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want her autograph on my taint
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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