No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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