when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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