I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
