When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drake has all the answers
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
