bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
