saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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