umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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