I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
