I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
