so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize