is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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