I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
