Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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