You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
