Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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