You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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