Your mouth is God's brothel.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
