just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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