the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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