What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize