Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize