you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
