I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
