Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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