I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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