i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
