awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
