Can i not drive my cunt home
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
