before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
