I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
