yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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