he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
