we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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