i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As shirtless as possible
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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