i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
