How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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