i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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