I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize