"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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