I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
