Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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