Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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