they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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