This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
