i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize