You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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