are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
