who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
