I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
