i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize