so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
