Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
