Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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