The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
