I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
