he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
