I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
