all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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