I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
