My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just cut my nipple shaving
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
