I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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