I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
