I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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