Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
