I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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