I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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