I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
